As long I can remember, as a child or teenager, I thought that self-love is actually pretty selfish. I thought it means that you are egoistic, thinking only about yourself, and this is not the way you should be. I felt there are a lot of judgments about that.
Only recently I am discovering that not only self-love and self-care are OK, but I am also learning that it should be a priority actually. Why? I never learned to get good care of myself. And what happened? I was constantly exhausted, if not physically then emotionally or mentally. I have always done what others considered I should do and I have always put the needs and wants of others at the forefront. This went to the point that I didn’t even know what do I want. And to be honest, I still have to discover this sometimes, I am still struggling with that.
What is self-love
Self-love is actually what it says: a love for oneself, regard for one’s own happiness, well being, and needs. It does not mean you should be in love with yourself, not from vanity or narcissistic standpoint. And not from a place of thinking that you are better or more worthy than others in some way.
It just simply means you appreciate yourself, your time, your need for peace, balance, and wellbeing, for example. And it does not mean you have to neglect others because of that (as moms often have the feeling right?). It just means that you consider your needs too. Why? As they say, you cannot take good care of others, for your family, if you do not take care of yourself. I am beginning to learn about that – and I’m telling you, it takes time.
Self-love means not sacrificing your needs and well-being to please others. Well, I guess until this point in my life I mastered the opposite, now I have to learn to take myself into regard as well.
It has to do a lot with acceptance actually. Do you accept yourself? Do you think well about yourself, or do you berate yourself with negative talk?
When you love yourself you accept yourself as you are. You accept your weaknesses, you appreciate the shortcomings as something that makes you who you are. And when you love yourself, you have compassion for yourself as well.
Start with a practice
What I have discovered as well, self-love is a practice. An ongoing thing. Imagine as if you take care of yourself as you would for a child or a sick friend. You treat yourself kindly, not with criticism. The practice of self-love is the practice of nourishing yourself. It is a practice of forming a belief that you are a valuable and worthy person.
So, do start with a practice! Set aside some time just for yourself, set 15 minutes in a day, or even in a week, to be with yourself. Go for a walk, journal, meditate, … do whatever it is, that will connect you more to yourself. Below is a small workbook that will help you start!
Download your free Beginners Self-love workbook HERE!
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